## Highlights - We have referred to the fact that we are made up of many selves. These selves have been referred to in many different ways by many different people. They have been known as the many I’s, selves or partial selves, complexes, multiple personalities, and, more recently, as energy patterns. ([Location 292](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=292)) - These contradictory feelings are apparent in all of us at one time or another. The higher the emotional stakes, the more likely we are to experience a variety of feelings in any given situation. Consider a woman whose only child is leaving home—on one side, we can see her feelings of relief: “I wish she’d hurry up and move out. I’m so eager to have the house to myself.” On the other side, we see her feelings of loss: “I wish she wouldn’t go. I wish she would stay and keep me company forever. She’s such fun.” Or think of a man who is offered a promotion to a key leadership position. Needless to say, one part of him is overjoyed and looks forward to the challenge, the authority, and the excitement that come with the position. Another part regrets the loss of camaraderie that necessarily accompanies this move up from the ranks. ([Location 298](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=298)) - The newborn infant is quite defenseless, totally vulnerable, and dependent upon the adult world for its survival. However, along with its basic, unique psychic fingerprint, the infant also has the potential to develop an infinite array of energy patterns or selves, the sum total of which will constitute the individual personality. At this point in life, the armoring of our vulnerability and the development of our personality begin. The infant learns that he or she must establish some measure of control over the environment to avoid unpleasantness. This development of control is actually the evolution of the personality. Personality develops as a way of dealing with vulnerability. The stronger the developing personality, the farther away the child moves from vulnerability, from its psychic fingerprint. It loses contact with its unique being as it learns to be powerful. ([Location 308](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=308)) - one of the earliest aspects of our personality to develop is the self that watches over us. It is like a bodyguard—constantly searching for dangers that may lurk around us and determining how it can best protect us from them. It incorporates parental and societal injunctions and controls our behavior, to a large extent, by establishing a set of rules that it feels will ensure our safety and our acceptance by others. It decides how emotional we can be. It makes sure we do not act foolishly or in ways in which we might embarrass ourselves. We call this self the protector/ controller. ([Location 329](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=329)) - The problem is, of course, that we gradually begin to lose track of our psychic fingerprint. This is a sad state of affairs, for our whole system of relationships is affected by this loss. If we are no longer in touch with those qualities that make up our unique psychic fingerprint, then it is not our deepest and most vulnerable self that is involved in relationships. Instead, it is a group of subpersonalities, watched over by the protector/controller, that determines our feelings and behavior. Thus, we always have a vague fear that if the other person really knew what we were like, he or she would abandon us (even though we ourselves do not know what this mysterious “real” person is actually like). ([Location 338](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=338)) - He has no awareness operating, so no aware ego can drive his car in accordance with the rules that would suit his essential being. Instead, it is driven by his subpersonalities (an amazing array of characters). This is exactly the case with the vast majority of us before we experience our own roar of awakening. ([Location 378](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=378)) - In approaching the definition of consciousness, we start with the basic idea that consciousness is not an entity—it is a process. What we will be defining, therefore, is not consciousness but the evolution of consciousness. We call it consciousness, but we are not talking about a static condition of being. As far as we are concerned, people do not become conscious; consciousness is not a state that people strive to attain. Consciousness is a process that must be lived out—an evolutionary process that continually changes from one moment to the next. ([Location 385](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=385)) - Awareness is the capacity to witness life in all its aspects without evaluating or judging the energy patterns being witnessed, and without needing to control the outcome of an event. ([Location 393](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=393)) - This awareness level of consciousness must be clearly differentiated from the energy pattern that we call the protector/controller. The protector/controller is subjective in its observations. It is always deeply concerned about our impact on others. It always has a specific goal in mind. It is generally quite rational and very much determines what we perceive and the way we think and behave. In contrast, the awareness level is simply the silent witness, observing in an objective fashion. ([Location 397](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=397)) - The second aspect of the evolution of consciousness is the experience of the energy patterns. We see everything in life as an energy pattern of one kind or another. ([Location 403](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=403)) - In its traditional definition, and we agree with this view, the ego has been referred to as the executive function of the psyche, or the choice maker. Someone has to run the operation and the ego does the job. According to our system, the ego receives its information from both the awareness level and the experience of the different energy patterns. As our consciousness evolves, the ego becomes a more aware ego. As a more aware ego, it is in a better position to make real choices. However, very early in this work it becomes clear that the ego has succumbed to a combination of different subperson-alities that have taken over its executive function. Thus, what is functioning as the ego may, in fact, be a combination of the protector/controller, pusher, pleaser, perfectionist, and inner critic. This unique combination of subpersonalities, or energy systems, perceives the world in which we live, processes this information, and then directs our lives. ([Location 429](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=429)) - His ego is now more aware, and he is now in a position to make a real choice about going to Mexico. He may choose to go, not go, or to defer the decision—the actual decision is inconsequential. What matters is which self makes the decision. It can readily be seen that as our i consciousness evolves, decision-making becomes somewhat more complex! ([Location 450](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=450)) - However, most of us have a surgeon’s mentality when it comes to those selves we dislike. We try so hard to get rid of our temper, our rage, jealousy, pettiness, shyness, feelings of inadequacy...the list is endless. In an attempt to eradicate these rejected selves, we make them much stronger by driving them into the unconscious where they are free to operate beyond our control. ([Location 455](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=455)) - If we can learn to step back and allow our awareness to operate, we will not only encounter these selves, we will also realize that our wish to eradicate these patterns is actually the voice of yet another self. ([Location 458](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=458)) - In this chapter we have traced the development of the personality—the group of selves that has evolved to protect our initial vulnerability and has gradually obscured the psychic fingerprint present at our birth. This original set of selves, the primary selves, serves as a functioning ego until such time as we embark on our journey of consciousness. This first step in this journey is to contact our disowned selves, to reclaim our lost heritage. ([Location 504](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=504)) - To better understand this process, we must examine more closely how we disown some of our selves. What is a disowned self? Pause for a moment and think of someone whom you dislike intensely, someone who possesses, in your opinion, totally reprehensible character traits. What is it that makes this individual so worthy of your contempt? Be specific about the qualities that repel you. If you are glad that you are in no way similar to this despicable person, you have discovered your first disowned self. The traits in this person that irritate you reflect an energy pattern within you that you do not wish to integrate into your life under any circumstances. ([Location 514](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=514)) - In Jungian terms, our disowned selves are a part of our shadow. When we see them reflected in others—when we see someone unashamedly living out an energy pattern similar to one we have disowned—we feel this disowned pattern resonate within ourselves. ([Location 544](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=544)) - Her impersonal qualities and negative feelings were buried. Throughout her life she encountered situations in which individuals embodying demonic energies attacked her. As we said earlier, what we disown, life brings to us, over and over again, until we can recognize the teaching within these repetitive, unpleasant life experiences. ([Location 681](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=681)) - The first step in facilitating Voice Dialogue is the identification of the subpersonalities. ([Location 881](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=881)) - The facilitator begins by encouraging the subject to talk either about life in general or about a specific experience that seems important. The conversation between them serves several functions: it establishes or enhances rapport, it conveys information, and, most importantly for the Voice Dialogue process, it gives the facilitator the opportunity to create a “psychic map” of the territory. This “map” can either exist solely in the facilitator’s mind, or it can actually be written down. ([Location 885](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=885)) - The facilitator is now ready to discuss some of these observations with Hank and start the process of Voice Dialogue with some of Hank’s primary selves. We recommend that the protector/controller or any of the other primary selves be addressed first. In Hank’s case, it would be quite natural to start with the perfectionist. The facilitator might lead in with an observation such as: “A part of you is very proud of how efficient you are and how well you work. I’d like to talk with it.” ([Location 943](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=943)) - When the facilitator decides (with the consent of the subject) to talk to a specific subpersonality, the subject should be asked to move to a different space in the room. This can mean changing seats or simply moving the chair. The subject should, whenever possible, choose this new position. Different subpersonalities like different places. ([Location 955](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=955)) - Some subpersonalities like to sit close to the facilitator and some prefer distance. For some, the placement of subpersonalities reflects the psychic map. For others, it is of little importance and will change from session to session. ([Location 961](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=961)) - From this point on, the facilitator simply talks to the subpersonality as he or she would to a real person. This becomes easier as time passes and the voice takes on the full dimension of a real person. ([Location 969](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=969)) - Voice Dialogue, when done properly, is a relaxed but alert exploration. It does not require great effort. If the facilitator is feeling pressured or tense, it might be safe to assume that the facilitator’s pusher and/or problem solver is at work. ([Location 973](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=973)) - It is important to remain nonjudgmental when doing Voice Dialogue. The voices are like people: If the facilitator is truly open and interested, they will blossom. If they sense a lack of acceptance or disapproval, they will withdraw or even attack. In fact, the voices may be more sensitive to our judgments than we are ourselves! Again, because we are human, it is likely that at some time or another, we will judge a voice. Should this happen, try to be aware of it and explore your judgment later. If your judgment is strong and you cannot separate from it, stop and return to the ego position. If at all possible, do not criticize a voice. This may well put an end to any communication and cause the subject to terminate the work. ([Location 1021](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1021)) - Voice Dialogue puts the subject into an altered or nonordinary state of consciousness. The aware ego and the protector/controller, who usually dominate consciousness, are set aside temporarily as other energy patterns are given the opportunity to express themselves fully. ([Location 1088](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1088)) - The facilitator should also take care not to leave a subject alone while in a voice, for it is much like leaving someone in a hypnotic trance. If an emergency arises, take the time to return the subject to the aware ego. Explain the circumstances in as much detail as appropriate, in order to ensure the subject is grounded in the ego before you leave. Tell the subject how long you will be gone and make arrangements to continue your exploration when you return. ([Location 1093](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1093)) - We have provided a number of guidelines below regarding the termination of individual sessions. 1. Whenever possible, before returning to the ego place end the work with one of the primary selves. Always keep in mind that the protector/controller and the primary selves have been responsible for running the subject’s life, and will continue to do so, until an aware ego emerges that can do the job. The continuity of working with the primary selves grounds the process of Voice Dialogue and keeps it safe. In an altered state of consciousness the primary selves are not operative for a period of time; they relinquish their hold on the subject’s consciousness when the subject enters a different state of consciousness. To facilitate the return of the subject to a normal state of consciousness, return to the primary self and ask it how it felt about the work, review what took place in the session, and help it to re-establish its equilibrium. 2. Working with the awareness (as opposed to the ego) also grounds and balances the subject. To do this, the subject is asked to stand next to the facilitator and face the different selves. (With people who are used to meditation, this can be done by suggesting that the subject go into a meditative space to witness the different selves.) You can do this either after working with many different selves or after each encounter with a separate self. This second approach does have an advantage—it helps both the subject and the facilitator to differentiate more clearly between the various selves that are encountered. Then, when the last actual dialogue has taken place, the facilitator can summarize all the work that has been done. The awareness level is the level of insight, where people more clearly see the process that is going on within them and separate from the different selves. Having the person stand and face the different selves and then summarizing the work helps bring things together and provides a solid ground for the work. It is important to allow plenty of time for this process. 3. Having summarized the work for the awareness level, we may then choose to provide a direct experience of the selves to the aware ego. The subject returns to the seat where the ego was originally sitting. Here the facilitator suggests that the subject feel the different selves, as well as being aware of them. For example, let us say that the facilitator has worked with an aggressive power self and a sensitive feeling self in a man. After the work is over and the subject is back in the aware ego, the facilitator might say the following: FACILITATOR: Now I would like to give you an experience of these different selves while you are in the place of the aware ego. Can you feel these two selves on each side of you? SUBJECT: Yes I can (if he says no, then the separation is not yet sufficient to continue this particular step). FACILITATOR: Okay, now I want you to allow your power self to emerge—as though you were channelling it—but you’re… ([Location 1098](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1098)) - Working with demonic energies represents a special case that requires the greatest awareness and skill on the part of the facilitator. Demonic energies are instinctual energies that have been disowned over time and have become destructive. ([Location 1149](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1149)) - In the process of working with demonic energies, and gaining an understanding of why they have become so negative and destructive, we will have the opportunity to transform them back into the original instinctual powers they were before they were repressed. A basic principle applies to working with demonic energies: The aware ego must be operating, and a clear separation must exist between it and the primary selves that have been responsible for repressing the energies in question. ([Location 1151](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1151)) - Some part of us must make the choices in life, and, as Voice Dialogue quickly teaches us, the choices are generally made by those primary selves with which the ego is identified. As the ego separates from the different selves, it becomes more experienced with, aware of, and separate from them. This ever-expanding combination of awareness and experience creates what we call the aware ego—the only part of consciousness that may possibly become aware of, and embrace, all our selves. Thus, over time, the aware ego develops a real choice about what actions (or inaction) it wishes to take. ([Location 1200](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1200)) - The most difficult differentiation to make in Voice Dialogue is the one between the awareness level, the aware ego, and the protector/controller or other primary self. ([Location 1211](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1211)) - It can be extremely helpful to say something like: “If at any point you find yourself uncomfortable with anything that we do, please let me know and we will stop. ([Location 1233](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1233)) - Lani had no idea she was identified with her pleasing daughter, and her judgments of Jeri’s anger voice were totally unconscious. The anger voice, however, knew about these judgments and protected itself accordingly—it left. This is often what a subpersonality will do when it feels judged—it will react and then, if it feels it is not properly appreciated, it will leave. ([Location 1271](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1271)) - The subpersonalities also protect themselves by revealing themselves only to a facilitator who has access to a similar energy. Thus, the facilitator must be aware of and able to locate the energy pattern within himself or herself that resonates with the subject’s energy pattern. For example, the facilitator must be able to connect with his or her own inner child before the subject’s inner child will be trusting enough to emerge. ([Location 1290](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1290)) - At this time we would like to re-emphasize the contrast between the primary and the disowned selves. The primary selves are the ones that we are identified with. In this culture, they are likely to be the protector/controller and the heavyweights. For each of these primary selves, there is an equal and opposite disowned or less developed self. It is helpful to think of the psyche in terms of the dynamic balance between these two systems. Please keep this balance in mind as you read the transcripts that follow. ([Location 1377](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1377)) - We are born into this world in a condition of extreme vulnerability: We have no armor, no defenses; in fact, we do not yet even have a personality. However, we each have a special vibration, a uniqueness of being—our psychic fingerprint. For a brief time, we are without guilt, without the need to build a wall of protection around ourselves. This situation soon changes, for we discover fairly early in the game of life that we must obey certain rules of conduct. Even as infants, we learn that some behaviors please and some displease those in our environment. Thus, we develop a consciousness that pays attention to these environmental cues. The birth of personality is coincident with the birth of this consciousness—the protector/controller energy pattern.* ([Location 1384](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1384)) - The protector/controller observes our environment and determines which of our behaviors will work best and please the most people. Under its direction, even the simplest behaviors such as smiling and cooing soon lose their spontaneity and become automatic reactions to our environment. We become “less natural” because our protector/controller is now monitoring and evaluating all the “dangers” we encounter. ([Location 1391](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1391)) - As we mature, the protector/controller functions increasingly as a master computer network. It utilizes some of our other selves—our primary selves—to accomplish its ends. ([Location 1394](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1394)) - Many therapeutic approaches in the consciousness movement help people learn to move from helplessness and vulnerability to power. It is a most significant step, but the tragedy of this move to power is that we lose our connection to vulnerability. We lose our connection to the unique vibration of our psychic fingerprint. ([Location 1415](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1415)) - The development of personality generally requires the disowning of our more sensitive feeling selves. Their resurrection is one of the goals of the evolution of consciousness. ([Location 1436](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1436)) - The protector/controller is somewhat similar to the Freudian “superego” or the transactional analysis “parent.” This self ensures that the disowned selves remain disowned. It arises early in life and, after determining which behaviors are socially acceptable, creates a persona which can face the world. Its function is protection: It protects our vulnerability and can even save our lives by ensuring that we act appropriately. ([Location 1441](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1441)) - This particular protector/controller had a history of familial as well as cultural influences. It chose to make Fred the “good boy” in contrast to his brother who was more self-involved and had been quite successful in everything he tried. Here the protector/controller was combined with pleaser, good son, and good father. In later work, these other voices would be brought up and dealt with separately. ([Location 1489](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1489)) - As you may have noticed, protector/controllers tend to support a national or regional stereotype. They are usually eager to keep people as close to the local or familial norm as possible in order to prevent the difficulties that can arise from behaving too individually. ([Location 1523](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1523)) - the heavies in Voice Dialogue: your pusher, critic, perfectionist, power broker, and pleaser. ([Location 1614](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1614)) - Most of us are able to tune in at almost any time to this subpersonality who—whip in one hand, a list of unfinished business in the other—urges us on: “Your journals are unread, the beds are unmade, the dissertation unwritten, your exercise schedule awaits you, the garden needs weeding, the faucet is leaking . . . .” The list is endless. Our hours of work go unappreciated, and we can definitely count on one thing: As soon as we cross an item off the top of the list, the pusher will add one more to the bottom. ([Location 1620](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1620)) - Do you notice any feelings becoming stronger, such as: “I don’t have enough time,” “there’s so much to do,” “it never ends,” “better just get going and get some of this done ... ?” ([Location 1640](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1640)) - This energy seems to occur throughout our society. It does not like us to rest, relax, or waste time. ([Location 1642](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1642)) - THERAPIST: Hold it—what do you mean, there’s so much to do? PUSHER: Well, first of all, we got a chance to visit a Kahuna while we were in Hawaii. I think she should study about Kahunas and psychic surgery, too. To back up to the beginning: This New Age consciousness is fascinating, just fascinating. First, we have to get her diet under control. Then she has to join a health club and start working out regularly. And I want her to do yoga. We need to refine her energies. There’s a lot to read—dozens of books. Next, she needs to study about energies. Energy fields, balancing, clearing—you know, all that. ([Location 1775](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1775)) - Note: - This pusher was a sly one. It was excited and positive most of the time, and if Marilyn had allowed herself to get carried away by the excitement, she would have been exhausted pretty quickly. But here, too, we have a hint of the vulnerable child underneath—the one who is afraid of getting left behind when everybody else is out greeting the New Age. ([Location 1793](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1793)) - Note: - In order to balance the pusher, who plays a major role in our lives, it is fun to talk to its opposite. The opposite subpersonality might be a beach bum, a hippie, a bag lady, a sloth, or a spoiled princess. ([Location 1798](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1798)) - Note: - If this energy is not incorporated into our own lives, we will most definitely draw someone into our orbit (a husband, a child, an employer) who will carry this energy for us. ([Location 1803](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1803)) - Note: - This last observation is so true. Well-developed pushers have a tendency to rush in and do things before ordinary mortals even see that something needs to be done. ([Location 1823](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1823)) - Note: - The critic is a remarkable subpersonality who prevents many of us from experiencing life as pleasurable. After all, too much pleasure could be dangerous. ([Location 1888](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1888)) - Note: - How the Critic Works How do we begin to describe this highly versatile voice? First, we might note that it has a great talent for teamwork. It collaborates beautifully with the protector/controller by pointing out potential dangers to the protector/controller. ([Location 1892](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1892)) - Note: - Another of the critic’s great partners is the pusher. The pusher sets up enormous tasks and unreasonable deadlines and then the critic criticizes when these are not met. Another of the critic’s cohorts, the perfectionist, sets up ideal standards of behavior or achievement and the critic criticizes when they are not met. ([Location 1902](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1902)) - Note: - Another quality to be admired in the critic is its capacity for total candor. It has no desire to hide its power, and when spoken to directly it seems to revel in the possibility of sharing its philosophy and methodology with any reasonable listener. ([Location 1930](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1930)) - Note: - A top-notch critic can get us from any angle. Only constant vigilance and a keen awareness of that sinking sensation in the pit of our stomach can alert us to its brilliant and well-aimed attacks. If we pay close attention, we will soon realize that however we are, whatever we hope to do, it is not okay with the critic. ([Location 1961](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1961)) - Note: - The comparer is a potent aspect of the critic and has great versatility. It is totally holistic in its approach to comparison. With ease and delight it will remind you that your friend is brighter or has accomplished more—possibly she has written a book. ([Location 1969](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=1969)) - Note: - There is no satisfying an out-of-control critic. First it attacks from the right and, as we swing round, it gets us with an uppercut. We listen to its criticisms, try to make things better, and it criticizes us for our new looks or our new behavior. That is why it is so important to go beyond the details of content to experience the energy operating. If someone is sticking a knife into us and, at the same time, talking to us very reasonably about our shortcomings, it might be more advisable to focus on the knife rather than the words. ([Location 2034](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2034)) - Note: - As we think back over the many critics we have known, we realize that they do provide some valuable services. It is frequently the critic—and the discomfort caused by its complaints—who launches us on our journey of transformation. The critic points out, in no uncertain terms, that there is something wrong and we had better correct it. ([Location 2039](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2039)) - Note: - It can also alert us to areas of unconsciousness, point out disowned selves, and let us know when we are caught in a bonding. As its judgments lose their bite, it can become a very effective, discerning, rational friend. ([Location 2046](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2046)) - Note: - The Perfectionist We have seen how the pusher energy drives people to do things. Together with the perfectionist, it sets standards that can be used creatively, if we are aware of these energies. Or, conversely, it sets requirements that make life an intolerable burden. ([Location 2051](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2051)) - Note: - From our discussion of energy patterns with which we identify and energy patterns that we disown, it is clear that Henry is identified with a strong natural pusher and perfectionist. He has obviously disowned his more relaxed selves, as well as his vulnerability. By the laws of energetics, Henry will always pull people into his orbit who reflect his disowned selves. As long as his awareness level is identified with his perfectionist and his pusher, he will polarize his environment and his already easygoing wife will be driven into a “sloppy daughter” reaction to his perfectionist father. ([Location 2082](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2082)) - Note: C’est ce que je me disais avec Megan et Lucie, je suis attiré par des filles qui sont dans un pattern chill - Power is a fact of psychic life that many people today would like to believe can be eradicated or transmuted. But power is a reality, and, as with all energy patterns, the real issues are whether or not it is used to control people and whether it is used with awareness. The power brokers are a group of energy patterns that may include power, ambition, pusher, money, selfishness, and a variety of other voices. If a facilitator chooses to talk to the protector/controller, the subject’s power group may respond instead. ([Location 2158](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2158)) - Note: - The compulsive accumulation of wealth is, to a great extent, an attempt to allay the anxieties and fears of the vulnerable child. This and the need to control others are always inextricably interwoven with the fears and vulnerability of the child. ([Location 2205](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2205)) - The Pleaser We have included the pleaser in the heavyweight section, because even though its energy is decidedly different from the others discussed here and it may look like weakness to some, it wields immense power and deserves to be considered a heavyweight along with all the others. There is nothing wrong with pleasing. The only question is, as with all energy patterns, who is doing the pleasing? Is there a real choice made by an aware ego? Or is the pleasing an automatic, unconscious response to the world? ([Location 2244](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2244)) - The facilitator had uncovered a core disowned energy pattern in Nancy. Many facilitators are seduced by the anger that they sense is underneath pleaser patterns, and, in fact, it may certainly be necessary to tap into the anger voice. From our perspective, however, too much time is spent trying to elicit anger when, if we can get beyond the anger, we can deal with the problems that are eliciting it. For example, a man sits down on a chair and in doing so, sits on a tack. He is in much pain, so he goes to someone who has him emote and, though this feels better, the tack is still there, firmly embedded in him. Then he gets involved in meditation training. This helps, too, and he learns to rise above his pain, but he still has the tack in his seat. He tries biofeedback, reflexology, and hypnosis, but when all is said and done, the tack remains. What is the tack in our lives that creates so much anger in us? It is the ability, or inability, to say yes and no. If we live life on our terms, saying yes and no appropriately, then we tend to have less occasion to be angry. ([Location 2310](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2310)) - Aside from the primary selves and the vulnerable child, many other parts of the personality have been conditioned by society to negate demonic energies, including the rational voice, the pleaser, and the spiritual voice. With such a well-developed barricade of selves to face, it is no wonder that demonic energies constitute one of the most profoundly negated psychic systems we will encounter in the evolution of consciousness. The more energy we invest in holding back these energies, the more drained we become, physically and psychically. ([Location 2347](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2347)) - We worked with a woman who found the Bushmen’s statement to be literally true. She discovered she had disowned her anger so totally that when she was deeply irritated by her husband, she experienced not anger but an overwhelming desire to go to sleep. ([Location 2354](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2354)) - If an animal is kept locked in a cage for many years, it will become wild. If the door is opened inadvertently, the animal comes out raging. From this, its keeper accurately concludes that the animal is inherently dangerous. But this is not necessarily so. The danger is, at least in part, a result of the long imprisonment. So it is with our instinctual life—those selves who fear instinct help lock our instinctual energies in a cage where they eventually become demonic. Periodically these energies erupt in vicious ways. The “keeper of instincts” within us tells us that this viciousness is proof that the animals inside us are bad. If we listen to the keeper, we will force our animal/instinctual nature back into the cage. ([Location 2364](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2364)) - This is the tragedy of the disowning process—we literally become victims of the energy we have denied. We become a prisoner along with the very energies we are trying to imprison. If we think of demons as the mythic expression in Western culture of our disowned instinctual heritage, then making them our enemies only empowers them to a much greater degree. If we see in the demonic a figure that must be honored along with all the other energy patterns, then demonic energies can be transformed and can actually serve us in our lives. ([Location 2472](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2472)) - The rage, the passion, the vindictiveness of Loretta’s inner critic alerts us to the underlying energy. Disowned demonic energy becomes like a cancer in the individual psyche and in the collective psyche as well. It will work to destroy the individual organism and the collective until we learn to deal with it. ([Location 2492](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2492)) - It takes great courage to face our disowned demonic patterns. The energies of these selves have lived in isolation for years, like lepers shunned by regular society. When we see people who embody these qualities, we avoid them if possible. They are reprehensible to us. How easy, and yet how difficult, it is to take the next step to recognize that those people whom we cannot stand are clear reflections of our negated parts. What golden opportunities are presented to us with great regularity, if we are ready to hear and see them and begin to find appropriate ways to include them in our lives. ([Location 2539](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2539)) - Three aspects of the child are of particular importance: the vulnerable child, the playful child, and the magical child. ([Location 2549](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2549)) - The vulnerable child embodies the subject’s sensitivity and fear. Its feelings are easily hurt and it generally lives in fear of abandonment. It is almost always frightened of a multitude of things that the protector/controller and the heavyweights know nothing about. Remember that the protector/controller evolves to protect this vulnerable child and, in doing so, buries it so that it will not be hurt. The playful child is just what the name implies—playful. It knows how to play as a child knows how to play. It is generally easier to reach than the vulnerable child, because he protector/controller is much more likely to permit play than tears and pain. The magical child is really a brother or sister to the playful child. It is the child of imagination and fantasy. It is the child of our right brain, our intuition and creative imagination. It is, in part, the source of visions. It, too, is lost very early in our lives as the heavyweights take over. It often has to be coaxed out, and this requires great sensitivity on the part of the facilitator. The magical child needs to know the facilitator’s own magical child energy is present before it will show itself because it is usually quite shy. The inner child never grows up. Over and over again in dialogue work facilitators encounter the child’s great surprise at learning it is not required to grow up, act adult, or even use words at all. Some of the most profound Voice Dialogue sessions with the inner child are held without words. This is less true of the playful and magical children than it is of the vulnerable child. ([Location 2550](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2550)) - The children of our inner world know how to “be,” while the rest of our personality knows how to “do” and how to “act.” In working with these patterns the facilitator is given the opportunity to learn how to “be” with them; otherwise, they cannot emerge. When dealing with the inner child, the dictum is: “There’s nowhere to go and there’s nothing to do.” ([Location 2563](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2563)) - Perhaps the most universally disowned self in our civilized world is the vulnerable child. Yet this child may be our most precious subpersonality, the one closest to our essence, the one that enables us to become truly intimate, to fully experience others, and to love. Unfortunately, it usually disappears by the age of five. This child cannot exist in our civilized societies without the protection of a very strong protector/controller. The only way a protector/controller can handle the vulnerable child is to disown it. ([Location 2581](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2581)) - What is this child like? The most striking quality is its ability to be deeply intimate with another person. The facilitator can feel a physical warmth and a fullness radiating from this child. It is as though the space between the two people is alive and vibrating. When the vulnerable child withdraws (as it does at the slightest provocation), this warmth and fullness disappear, leaving behind a slight chill. ([Location 2585](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2585)) - The first dialogue with a vulnerable child may simply involve sitting quietly and encouraging it to come forth. It is often preverbal and may sit quietly or cry. In its initial emergence, it might curl up in a foetal position, cover its head, and weep with great wrenching sobs. ([Location 2599](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2599)) - We ([Location 2704](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=2704)) - Note: - The rational parent is more often seen in men than women, and sooner or later it bonds with some form of the emotionally reactive child in another person. They dance a most delicious dance together. A typical interchange sounds like this: CAROL (from an aware ego): I was really upset yesterday when you ignored me and made plans for the holidays. I felt left out. I’d like to talk about it. TED’S RATIONAL FATHER (cool and collected): What do you mean you were upset? CAROL: Upset. You know, hurt. I felt left out. RATIONAL FATHER (somewhat distant): I don’t understand. Why should you feel left out? CAROL (beginning to feel uncomfortable): I felt left out because you left me out. You didn’t ask me how I felt. RATIONAL FATHER (with a bit of disdain): You’re overly upset about this. What seems to be the problem? I don’t understand. CAROL’S REBELLIOUS DAUGHTER: Nothing’s the problem. I thought we were going to plan our holidays together. Since you planned yours by yourself, I’ll go to Club Med in Martinique! (She stomps out of the room.) ([Location 3191](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3191)) - It is almost impossible to resist the power of the rational father. He is always cool and in command. The more rational he gets, the more irrational the other will sound. ([Location 3209](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3209)) - We are all made up of a variety of energy patterns that we either identify with or disown. Each of these selves has its polar opposite which operates either consciously or unconsciously. Until now, we have concentrated on the way in which these energy patterns behave as individual subpersonalities within us. Now we will broaden our awareness as we awaken to the role of these selves in relation to the world. ([Location 3224](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3224)) - Let us review briefly the essence of the developmental process. We are born quite vulnerable and remain so for an extended period of time. The protector/controller is the first major self that develops to protect this vulnerability. Quite early in life, the protector/controller becomes the guiding agent of the personality, and it utilizes other selves to create its protective screen. These other selves are referred to as the primary selves. They essentially represent the traits we most closely identify with—how we see ourselves and define ourselves to the world. The primary selves form our operating ego until our awareness is born and an aware ego begins to operate separately from the primary selves. ([Location 3227](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3227)) - As we grow older, the move from vulnerability to power accelerates. It is not fun to remain vulnerable. Our environment must be controlled, so the protector/controller and primary selves increasingly become the personality’s authority. Together they constitute the major system of selves in the parental control pattern that operates inside each of us. Most importantly, as these primary selves develop, our vulnerability is buried. For some, it is buried completely. For others, it regularly breaks through or takes over so they continue to feel vulnerable and victimized throughout their lives. In either case, healthy human relations are very difficult. As we examine the basic interactive patterns that disrupt relationships, it is clear that the primary cause of these problems is our inability to deal with our vulnerability. In Voice Dialogue, our aim is to learn how to channel every self, as well as our vulnerability, through an aware ego. When we disown our vulnerability, we identify with our parental selves; identifying with vulnerability ensures victim status—in either case, our vulnerability becomes quite difficult to resolve. Learning to be aware of and experience our vulnerability, and then learning how to express it through an aware ego, therefore, is one of the most significant tasks we encounter in transformational work. ([Location 3232](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3232)) - In reviewing the many selves discussed so far, we see that in general they represent opposites on a power-vulnerability continuum. The power pole is our parental side and the vulnerability pole is our child. Our… ([Location 3242](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3242)) - This energy flow generally happens without our awareness. We cannot stop it because it is an archetypal process. It is interesting to note that this represents a balanced system of energies. The son/daughter side, which represents lack of control and vulnerability, is every bit as large as the father/mother side, which represents power and control. We may not always be aware of this balance because we tend to identify with one end of this power continuum and disown the other. As our awareness increases, however, both the archetypal movement of energy and this balance become more apparent.… ([Location 3246](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3246)) - The ability to be impersonal, dispassionate, and objective is another quality often disowned in women. Women are usually expected to be feeling creatures, ever-sensitive to the needs and emotions of others. They are expected to maintain a feelingful, or personal, connection to others in all their interactions. At least until fairly recently, a great part of a woman’s attractiveness has been her warmth, her desire to please, her responsiveness to others, and her ability to nurture; in short, her more “personal” selves rather than her impersonal self. A woman lacking this concern for the needs and the well-being of others might well be seen as “coldblooded” or “calculating.” As applied to men, the term “cold-blooded” is usually reserved for murderers. Women’s hearts are supposed to be forever warm. ([Location 3493](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3493)) - An extremely useful piece of Voice Dialogue work provides us with a contrast between the personal and the impersonal selves. The personal self is the pleasant, warm, pleasing self who creates and maintains contact with the facilitator and cares about what the facilitator thinks and feels. In contrast, the impersonal self is a bit distant and cool—not unfriendly, but separate and unconcerned about maintaining contact with the facilitator. ([Location 3513](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3513)) - Perhaps the greatest impediment to the empowerment of women is the inner patriarch. The inner patriarch is the introjected version of the patriarchal point of view that has dominated the Western world since biblical times. In brief, the inner patriarch sees a natural order to the world, one in which the woman is inferior. The man—by virtue of his strength, intelligence, objectivity, integrity, and natural sense of ethics and responsibility—runs the world. The woman—because of her basic irrational emotionality, manipulativeness, extreme subjectivity, lack of ethical sense, undependability, inability to think clearly, childlike dependence on others, and lack of personal power—supports the man and is consigned to running the home. The woman and her role are looked upon with scorn; she is seen primarily as an object rather than a human being. ([Location 3709](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3709)) - What does it mean to develop a sense of higher meaning in life? It can mean different things to different people, but essentially it is the feeling that another reality or knowing or experience is possible in our lives—an inner life is available to us. For many it has to do with surrendering to certain realities that our rational mind does not want to accept. It is an important step toward voicing our “roar of awakening.” ([Location 3747](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3747)) - One of the major obstacles to experiencing other states of consciousness is the busy-ness of our lives. We have jobs and friends and household chores; we have family and dogs and cats and carpools; we have books to read and television to watch—in short, we do so many things. Western civilization in general focuses upon doing and action, and much of the impetus for the heavyweight selves is derived from this focus. In fact, of all the selves we have discussed so far, only the vulnerable and magical children are not identified with action. ([Location 3751](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3751)) - In Voice Dialogue we can contact another self—a self that can open us to our spiritual selves. This self is more concerned with being than with doing. When we experience this “being” energy, there is no goal and no task; there is nothing. We sometimes refer to this self as the “nothingness” voice. It is not a child state, though sometimes the feelings of the vulnerable child come out in its presence. To facilitate being energy, the facilitator first asks to make contact with the doing or action side. This is in line with our basic viewpoint that the primary selves, the selves with which the ego is identified, should be approached first. This action self will often be very closely aligned with the pusher and power selves. We don’t worry about that. We simply focus on what the action self likes to do and how it likes to keep busy. Once we have talked to this part, we then move towards the being self. The following is what this transition might sound like: ([Location 3755](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3755)) - The induction of being energy may open the way for spiritual experiences of many different kinds. For many it is an introduction to meditation and for some it is the first experience of successful meditation. For others, it may be the first time they realize a heightened consciousness can exist between two people on anything other than a spiritual level. ([Location 3828](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3828)) - Every energy pattern brings some meaning to us, but spiritual and transpersonal energies bring a very specific and profound meaning to us. Vast numbers of people on our planet experience an emptiness in themselves, a yearning for something they don’t understand. Too often, in the more traditional disciplines, these feelings are translated into purely personal terms because the therapist has had no experience with spiritual energies. Diagnostic labels may be used to describe our sense of emptiness, our lack of fulfillment, and our constant search and yearning for something unknown. There is no question that a sense of emptiness and yearning may indicate a pathological condition connected to personal and developmental issues. Spiritual energies, the longing for higher meaning and a higher purpose in life, are real and legitimate. Personal psychological work alone cannot satisfy these needs. Higher meaning and purpose are only found in spiritual experience. ([Location 3863](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3863)) - In our view, consciousness and spirituality are not identical. The evolution of consciousness requires an awareness of energy patterns and direct experience with them. Spiritual energy is only one system of these patterns, albeit a most influential one. ([Location 3876](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=3876)) - The awareness level of consciousness and the aware ego that accompanies it lead us to unconditional love. We will not arrive at unconditional love by trying to love unconditionally, for as soon as we try to love unconditionally, we disown major energy patterns—particularly our nonloving selves. ([Location 4165](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=4165)) - Whenever we try to love unconditionally, whenever we try to transmute energies, we are supporting a repressive psychic process. If we try to love unconditionally we are not embracing, honoring, and loving certain parts of ourselves. This is a paradox for the spiritually oriented person, who wants deeply and profoundly to change the world, and who feels at some deep level that love is the answer. In trying to love unconditionally, we are actually identifying with the heavenly God, trying to love humanity from above. When we learn to embrace all of our selves we will learn to honor, respect, and love humanity, both earthly and heavenly. Then, we can gradually learn to live our humanity and love humanity at one and the same time. However, from our perspective, unconditional love is not the answer. The evolution of consciousness, embracing all of our selves—these are the answers and love will naturally follow as we follow this process. The love that emerges with awareness is clear and requires no sacrifice of any part of ourselves. It is a love that incorporates heaven and earth, a love that incorporates all humanity. ([Location 4167](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=4167)) - The energy pattern we disown will turn against us. An intelligence in the universe, both without and within us, moves us inexorably toward an expanded awareness and a more complete consciousness. The energies we continue to disown will return to us in some form to plague us, defeat us, and cause us stress. These disowned energy patterns behave like heat-seeking missiles, launched by this creative intelligence; inevitably, they find their way to their disowned counterparts inside of us. Thus, they demand our attention through the discomfort they cause upon impact. ([Location 4186](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=4186)) - The rule that governs disowned energy patterns warns, “That which we reject becomes the fate we live.” ([Location 4200](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005OVZBPO&location=4200))